Hairy Situation

Sorry Everyone! Ive been so busy with school and my life that i've been putting WWEGD to the backburner.  Welp i'm here now! Here's a new blog post:

Someone wrote this in last night and I must admit I was feeling kind of crappy, after reading this I laughed really hard and loud. Usually I alter and edit the emails written to me to possibly hide the ID of the person, etc. But to really appreciate this next post, you have to read it in its original state!

"yoooo este how u tell a grl her nani is too hairy?? shes a rookie in da game so i dont wanna dead her cuz its od tight but damn...its to da point dat shit gets in da way. i aint tryna make shorty cry or nothin so how shud i go about it??"

This person then proceeds to threaten me by saying:
"dont put my name or my email on dis shit u fucckkkk lmao"

P.S. THIS IS OUR FIRST MALE WRITTING IN! WAHHHOO!

-Hair Situation (HS)

Advice

Oh man!  I don't think there's any way of telling a girl to shave her chacha without her getting semi offended.  So I went to one of my trusty confidants, Le Jap Fox and this is what she suggested for you:

• lay dow with her and play with it.  Then you go in the for the kill by saying (while playing with it) "baby you've ever thought about going bare down there." then conclude it with something like "turns me on" or "want to see what it looks like".
  

I say:

• Just tell her the truth, if she's having sex she should be aware that different people have different preferences when it comes to pubic hair.   Present it to her in a very casual fashion, not like she has cancer. If she can't handle the truth then she's just being unreasonable and a baby and probably isn't worth it anyway. lol (that sounded kinda mean of me, OH WELL!!)

I'm not sure what else to say (that's a first). GOOD LUCK!

<3>

P.s. Let us know how it goes? if you're still fucking her, that is.

BF Needs His Brain Blown

Dearest Este,

So it's getting to the point in my relationship that I really want to my blow my  boyfriend's brains out. (WHOA! - Este) First, I have a few questions.  

1. How do I go about actually getting into the act?
2. What if he smells?
3. What if I don't like the taste of cum?
4. What should I do if I'm not successful?

I'm nervous, this will be my first time. HEEEELP! 

- BF Needs His Brain Blown (BNHBB)

Advice

Has Jenn been promoting me on her radio show (which you can listen to every Wednesday at 7pm Central 8pm Eastern by clicking here) as the BJ expert? because I'm really not. lol. 

Back to you BNHBB, I'm not sure why our culture has this preconceived notion that our privates smell like death. Unless he's going around dragging his balls on horse poop and then tucking them in his boxers and not showering for a year, I really don't think your boyfriend is going to smell dreadful.  Now, if he DOES smell like Hunts Point try suggesting a shower together (which usually leads to brain blowing BJs?).  

Try getting into it by kissing him and whispering dirty things in his ear or tell him you love him (barf).  Then undo his zipper and cup his balls/play with his dick, then just go for it. Sidenote- BNHBB, you might want to read Lick Him Like a Lollipop before actually doing it.  I suggest you go at your own pace and just do what feels right.  Most guys will drop their pants faster than you can say yum yum, by just telling them you want to blow his brains out. (I would and I'm not even a Male)

Success- I cannot really comment on that.  Everyone has different "success levels." I"m thinking you mean, What if you do not get him to orgasm?  If you read Lick Him Like a Lollipop - you will not have this problem, Trust me sistuh!!  Just because you're blowing him, does not mean you have to swallow.  Depending on you BF's diet and lifestyle, it might actually be tasty.  If you do not like it, politely spit it out? lol This is what I suggest - get him to give you a facial (cum on your face), lick it off and if you like it, keep-a-lickin'.

PHEW! Good Suckings BNHBB!

<3>

Diddle My Skittle

Cunnilingus--oral sex performed on women--is the holy grail of satisfying most women. So if you haven't honed your oral sex technique, you're most likely going to suffer some cunnilingus performance anxiety. Cultural myths about nasty vaginas just add to the pressure. But cunnilingus performed well will endear you to a partner like nothing else can. So whether you're a seasoned muffdiver or are a late bloomer just getting started, here are a few oral sex tips to improve your technique.

• Be prepared with some sexy goods. Have the edible gel, lickable oil, and accompanying vibrator will help tranform you from a novice into an oral sex master

• Lick her like an ice cream cone… Big soft licks from stem to stern with a wide flat tongue stimulate all the nerves in her genital area. Go deliciously slow to make her feel like a yummy dessert being savored, or speed it up a bit and focus more on the Clitoris to push her towards orgasm. 
• Dive in. Build up the intensity level gradually. Once you're into it, use your whole face. Bury yourself in her pussy, get your tongue in as far as possible, use your nose for more pressure. Not only does this feel good physically, it lets her know you are really into her taste and smell. Hint: if your eyelids aren't sticky, you're not doing it right.
• Insert two fingers in her vagina while licking her clit. Curl those fingers up towards your tongue, capturing her clit and G-Spot between your mouth and fingers. As your tongue licks up pull down with your fingers; get a rhythm going. 

Find it. The G-spot is about two inches inside the vagina towards the belly, right behind the pubic bone. The G-spot corresponds to spongy tissue that is wrapped around the urethra. When women are aroused the tissue becomes thickened and can be felt through the vaginal wall. It creates an intense, distinctive sensation when stimulated. For some women this feeling is similar to the sensation of needing to urinate. And for some, stimulation of the G-spot can make them ejaculate.

Turn yourself on. The first step is to get turned on. During arousal, the spongy tissue swells with fluid. When you aren't turned on, the wall of the vagina feels fairly similar all the way around, but when you get aroused the G-Spot becomes more firm with blood and other fluids.

• Let your lover straddle your face. If lying back during cunnilingus is too passive for her, let her hop on top. From there she can control the pressure and area of contact during oral sex. To make this position even more fun, get tied down to the bed before she mounts you using some restraints, and maybe she'll even boss you around with firm directives: "stick your tongue out!", "open your mouth!" "suck it boy", and so on. Bottomy munchers will, well, lick it up.
  
• Mix it up. If your idea of performing cunnilingus is to just lick up and down, up and down, ("fencepainting"), chances are that it'll get boring to your partner after a while. Vary your movements, add pressure, use your lips, breath and teeth in addition to your tongue, change positions, use your hands….Get your whole creative body involved.
• If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Most women orgasm in response to rhythmic stimulation, so if you're in a groove that is building her up, don't suddenly change what you're doing. Finding the balance between variety and consistency is the art to being an oral sex expert.
• Suck her into your mouth. Gentle suction is a nice variation on the licks and downward pressure of most cunnilingus. While you've got a nice piece of her sucked in your mouth, lick it while maintaining the suction.
• Keep it wet. The juicier your make it, the better it feels. Experiment with edibles like edible lube.

How do you know if she likes it?

With your face buried in her cunt and your ears muffled by her creamy thighs, it can be hard to talk about how things are going. So look for more subtle signs of her enjoyment. If she raises her hips to meet your mouth, that is a very good sign. A lubricating vagina and swelling vulva and labia that spread open as they become engorged are a sure sign that she's responding favorably. So is a growing clitoris. An all over skin flush, rapid breathing, and writhing are clues. Clutching the sheets is excellent, and so are hands on the back of your head pushing you in for more.

The Fresh Prince of D.C.

I, for once in my life, am proud of my country.  This is overwhelming, historical, ground breaking, unbelievable..and AMAZING!  I think our generation FINALLY pulled through this election.  I want to thank everyone that got up early and voted.  I am Proud! PROUD! I cannot wait till Jan. 20th when the NAACP turns 100 yrs old and our first A.A president gets sworn into his presidency.  Today is a great day in the United States of America.  

The American dream is not dead! 

I just had to:

How Many Licks Does It Take Till You Get To the Center Of...

I'm pretty sure most of you guys remember the famous Tootsie Pop Commercials
growing up.  I personally LOOOOOVE Tootsie Pops.  As a kid I would separate all my tootsie roll products away from the rest of my Halloween candy and have a BALL.  So when my boyfriend asked me this question (he prob doesn't even remember)  I was sooo excited.  How many licks does it take to you get to the center of a....Tootsie Pop?

My Mission

I went into the 23rd Street CVS and bought a flower of tootsie pops.  I figured for my enjoyment I'd try to get to the center of three.

1. bit into it 
2. 471
3. 468
4. 470

That averages out at 469.6666667 lol.

Happy Hollween to everyone!

I had to post this video to accompany this entry: 

Lick Him Like a Lollipop

The Art of Fellatio.

Below the Belt-Less has sprung up the topic of giving the Golden Blow Job.  Here it is Ladies and Germs:

(these steps have helped  a bunch of first timers, i know, become BJ Queens or Kings)

1. Get comfortable. A blow job is much more fun without a sore neck. Find a position that works best for both of you, depending on where you are (you can't really lounge comfortably in an elevator, you know) and the angle of the cock you're dealing with (work with the natural downward angle of your throat). Kneel before your man with him standing if you're in a confined area, or when you want to strike a pose that is really hot. Other positions: seat your partner and crouch between their legs (slide a pillow under your knees if you're not on a soft surface), or lay down and let your partner thrust into your mouth, (harder to control the depth, but good for you lazy types). If you're in a car, your partner can lay down lengthwise in the back.
2. If you're using a condom, put it on now. Try a flavored condom if you don't like the taste of latex. A sexy way to set the scene is to use your mouth to put the condom on before you get busy.
3. Give us a kiss. If you're dealing with a soft penis, you don't have to wait until it's hard to start the show. Put it in your mouth when it's soft (or semi-hard) to get acquainted. Kiss it. Lick it. You can sweeten things up by applying an edible gel.
4. Mouth off. Slide your lips gently over your teeth for smooth sailing. Most fellatio recipients like lots of spit, but others prefer a drier job, so check in with your partner. Asking quick yes or no questions like "want it dryer?" or "more spit?" can be helpful and hot. Despite your amazing oral sex technique, you aren't a mind-reader, so watch your partner for body language cues. 
   
5. Experiment. You can do more wonderful stuff with your mouth than just suck (and remember--the harder you suck doesn't necessarily mean the better it feels). Mix it up by licking the sensitive underside of the shaft, the nerve-ending-loaded head of the penis, and the testicles. Softly blow on the moistened areas. The combination of sensations will feel incredible.
6. Hands-on. Give your blow job a hand. Grip the cock around the base and slide it up and down, hand-job style, in tandem with your mouth. (Some folks like a tight squeeze, others may not, so check in.) This is great because you can cover a lot of the shaft this way without worrying about taking the whole cock in your mouth. You can concentrate on the super-sensitive head and suck as hard or softly as you'and your partner'like. Use lube for extra slipperiness. A silicone lube is great for blow jobs: it's concentrated so you only need a tiny bit, it's long-lasting so you won't need to keep stopping to reload, and it doesn't have a distracting taste or smell.
7. Deep throat. Deep-throating the act of taking the entire shaft into your mouth and throat can be cool, but you can give a perfectly stellar blow job without doing so. The key to deep throat is to relax your jaw and throat muscles as much as you can. Otherwise, you trigger the gag reflex.
8. Accessorize. Bring some toys into your routine or try sucking on ice or a breath mint to transmit a tingly sensation to your favorite penis. Again, check in with your partner to see how experimental you should be.
9. Get into it. Look at your partner and the ecstacy you have caused! Make eye contact. Show your partner how much you love being down there. Moan, make appreciative noises (a well-placed MMMM! can make for some nice vibration, too), let your partner know how turned on you are. Don't neglect the rest of the body, either stroke, tickle, scratch the thighs, stomach, butt, and everywhere else you can reach.
10. Finish the Job. It is ultimately your choice whether or not to swallow. Your partner's diet, health, habits and frequency of ejaculation will determine the quantity and taste of the ejaculate. The ejaculate of someone who ingests lots of red meat, caffeine, alcohol or cigarettes, may taste more intense than that of a non-smoking vegetarian. The most ejaculate you might encounter is a teaspoonful or so. You have several choices if you aren't crazy about ejaculate, but don't want to hurt anyone's feelings:

• you can take it in your mouth and discreetly deposit into a nearby towel
• as your partner approaches climax, withdraw and finish with your hand.
• you can let your partner come on your body and admire the copious amounts of ejaculate
• you can use a condom

When you're totally focused on giving head, it can be a lot of  fun whether it's for power play (your partner's most precious asset is at  your mercy), intimacy, or the pure fun of getting someone off. Remember, you should only be performing fellatio on somebody if you're really into it and are able to focus all of your energy on what you're doing. If you're staring at the clock, waiting for it to end, or worrying about the laundry in the dryer, you won't have a good time and your partner will be able to tell you're not into it, which can be distracting, too!

<3>

Good Vibrations

Dearest Este, 

I use the Pulsar as a Mastubatory tool, is this safe?

- Good Vibrations (GV)

Advice

So I go on to Babeland, since its the Mecca of Sex Toys, and look for the Pulsar. I searched all over that website and didn't really find anything, GV. Then I just figured I'd google it. Ladies and Germs I introduce to you all THE PULSAR. Just incase you cannot see it....here it is:

For those of you who still don't get it.  This toothtrush vibrates as it cleans your teeth.  I think what got to me is that I actually own this toothbrush.  I, for the most part, am really open minded about sex in general but I must admit this was the first question that sorta made me laugh.  So back to you GV,  just like i'd advise anyone who uses any type of sex toys. PEOPLE, SANITIZE YOUR TOYS!  GV, you're safe.  Before you insert or put against your sex parts (since you didn't specify your gender) please sanitize the toothbrush and when done, sanitize again.  Also, just like a toothbrush you are not supposed to have sex toys for extended periods of time.  Now heres a Youtube video with some info:

 

Below the Belt-less

Dearest Este, 

I'm a 20 year old straight girl and my boyfriend and I have been going out for 4 months and we recently found ourselves alone in his dorm-room.  We started making out and I made my way to his zipper to give him Fellatio and he DENIED me! He sort of gave me a weird look and pulled away.  What does this mean?  Does he not like the idea? Does he think I'm easy? Was i going too fast?

-Below the Belt-less (BBL)

Advice

Honestly, I am no one to determine if it was to "fast" for you to offer your boo fellatio.  Every relationship is different and what's the "right" time in one, may not be the case for another.  What kind of guy is your boyfriend?  What kind of girl are you?  If your boyfriend looks down on easy girls, then he would have broken up with you.  So I'm pretty sure he does not think less of you because of this.  Maybe he needed more time, the relationship you two have means more to him then just sucking his dick dry (is that even possible..lol).  Ease up BBL, keep being a good GF, be there for him and in a little while offer it to him again or wait till he initiates it.  He could have possibly been overwhelmed by the fact that you took initiative and offered it first.  Guys always want Dom partners, but when they get them, they don't know how to handle a dominant woman.  

While thinking about how to answer your question BBL, I had a good convo with a friend and found out that alot of girls do not enjoy giving BJs. I personally thought it was apart of the package. Well turns out not for HIS PACKAGE..lol. I think people need to ease up and explore their partner's body as well as theirs.  I'm all bout being a GGG (a phrase Dan Savage has coined in his advice column, Savage Love) partner. 

How to be a GGG partner:

GGG stands for Good, Giving and Game, which is what we should all strive to be for our sex partners.

Think:

• Good - In bed
• Giving - equal time and equal pleasure
• Game - for anything - within reason

<3>

Let's talk About Sex, Baby

PORN! 

It seems to be an upcoming topic (in my life atleast).

SO...Porn, Cool? Not Cool?

I personally don't have something against Porn.  I just think that people need to keep in mind that it's ACTING and it's very unrealistic.  Not all girls are WHITE, with blonde hair, rosy lips, 32DD, and 95 lbs and not all men are WHITE, muscular, hairless, etc.  Just because every time you watch it someone has an orgasm doesn't mean every time you have sex you're going to get off.  I'm rambling on! just keep in mind PORN is not real.  

SOOOOOOO, I asked a few people to name their Fav porn sites and I felt like sharing them to enhance your porn list;

* i did not bother to check out all of these sites. I was scared my 14 yr old brother would look through my internet history and find the URL Porn Mecca.  If they're horrible, SORRY!

PornHub

Pink Babes

Totally Not Safe for Work

Tube 8

Red Tube

PornoTube

The MILF Hunter

You Porn

Spank Wire

Slut Load

Amateur Bitch

Flirt Sex Cam

Rate My Boobies

Cat List

Wet Circle

My Pink Tube

ENJOY!

<3>

Searching For Something New

Dearest Este,

So I was jilted. Ok that's dramatic lol I've been single for a little over two years now. My last relationship ended after a mutual agreement. Some how this mutual agreement turned into an "open relationship" (i'm still not sure how that happened) and we were in this over dramatic hook up that wouldn't end lol It went on for a lot longer than I had anticipated and I felt myself drifting away. If I met myself today I wouldn't recognize myself. We were together without a title and he was ok with this. I felt myself holding back and unable to move on with my life. He wasn't having much trouble doing this.

Fortunately, I was able to break away from this and have gotten the chance to start a new. Only problem ... I don't know how. I really feel like I've lost myself. I don't look like I did two and a half years ago and I really dont think I act the same. Being single for this long, I've developed this weird fear of dating. I really dont even know how to talk to guys. It's really unlike me.

So I guess my question is .... how should I go about finding something new? & are you going to tell me that I need to love myself before someone else can love me? Because I do love myself lol I'm just going through some shit .. HELP!

- Searching For Something New (SFSN)

Answer

Well first and foremost, lets all praise the lord that you let go of that LOSER! Since you have developed this weird fear of dating, you need to take things slowly, SFSN. Things always come into our lives unexpectedly. Do the typical things woman do when they want to mingle with men. Try going to school events, meet up with friends, find a cutie at the apple store (voted the best place to find a man according to the NY Times of course..lol). Ultimately what I am saying is, don't pay much attention to it, just live your life and be social. Since you seen to be pretty confident I do not think this will be a problem. Something will def come your way. But maintain a good balance between being social and being available. I know, I know....its a sick sad world..lol. Have FUN and Embrace your weirdness lol, I did.

Scream My Name

Dearest Este,

My BF and I have been together for 2 yrs.  The sex between us is always good and satisfying.  We currently live together in a cheap 3 family house in Brooklyn (the walls are paper thin).  The guy who lives upstairs is somewhat of a player.  I always hear him having sex with different women at all times of the day and it basically makes me horny and want to fuck my BF.  Heres the problem, after this guy moved away (might be having a dry spell) i've lose my appetite for sex.  Am I Crazy!? How can I overcome this and have amazing sex with my BF again?

- Scream My Name (SMN)

Advice

No you're actually not crazy at all, SMN.  Your totally normal actually.  I'm suspecting you might actually be one of those women that gets very turned on by sounds. I have a few suggestions which you will want to discuss with your bf :

 - Try making some of our own sounds during sex.  Be that jungle sex couple.

- Try putting on some porn in the background with lots of moaning that might do it for you.

- The next time you hear this guy, assuming he's going thru a dry spell, record him.  (just make sure its not on so loud that he can hear it and recognize it.  If he's a kinky neighbor, which he probably is then he'll be turned on and want to make noise with you...AHHH! totally joking by the way. 

Talk to your boyfriend and come to a compromise, if that doesn't work SMN then get back to me.  I might have something up my sleeve

<3>

My Life Is A Joke

Dearest Este,

So I have history with this guy. Lots of back and forth, lots of flirting. He now has a girlfriend, This has not stopped the back and forth, this has not stopped the flirting. I want him, he wants me, but he says I always have bad timing. We kissed and it was pretty much amazing. Now, for the question. What is a girl to do este? should she be a home-wrecker and continue this on the low charade or should she just do her own thing and wait till things fall apart with his current girlfriend naturally? The man wouldn't mind the messing around on the low and things aren't looking too bright in his relationship. Help!

- My Life is a Joke (MLJ)

Advice

As i've recently realized people can be very selfish in this world.  I'm a stern believer in having your cake and eating it too but this Male is just RIDICULOUS.  I honestly think that he wants you and his girlfriend all at the same time and that I am against of.  That is unfair to you and his girlfriend.  And this whole you have "bad timing"..UMMM BULLSHIT.  If he wanted to really be with you he would have made his move on you already and not chosen the other girl.  I say you do your own thing.  I'm not sure how I feel about this guy's morals.  If he's flirting with you and he has a girlfriend, what makes you think we won't do it if he's with you.  I suggest you dump that motherfucker and do you own thang girl, you deserve someone soo much better and someone who is not giving you the run-around.  Now if he breaks up with his girlfriend and you need some lovin' go for it, but don't get to emotionally attached..keep the fool as a fuck buddy.  Men like mean women lol. Oh and MLJ feel free to respond. Hope this helped. 

<3>

Pues Saudos!

hey world,

I hate blogging but I thought this would be fun.  The Awkward Fetus in my life inspired me to start this blog, so I did because I do everything the Awkward Fetus says.  Nothing is off limits, you can comment on anything, respond with your own advice, patronize my advice, curse me out, w.e.  I enjoy inappropriate behavior.  I think its funny

So if you have a question you just Email : AskEste@gmail.com 

i'll be glad to answer you Questions.  and if you know me try not to uh, blow up my spot sen!

as time goes on i'll try to make this site a little nicer lol